Wedding Etiquette

The wedding date is usually set within a reasonable time after the engagement. When choosing the locations of the marriage and the reception be aware that bookings may be needed a year or more in advance. In Australia, Spring and Summer tend to be the busiest time for weddings and can therefore be harder to find suitable venues on short notice. Consider the months of July/August as a possible alternative.

Also keep in mind when public holidays, school holidays or (heaven forbid) major sporting events are likely to fall. This is particularly important for interstate guests who may have to book flights and accommodation during these times.

It is good to keep in mind that a wedding is the beginning of a journey and not the destination. Keep calm; maintain a generosity of spirit and a sense of humour.

THE BUDGET and WHO PAYS FOR WHAT

This will depend on the financial situation of the young couple and their parents. It is important to know what level of financial input (if any) the parents would consider reasonable. The Australian Bureau of Statistics puts the average cost of a wedding at $28,000. That being said there have been young couples who have had a lovely experience for under $1,000 and lavish affairs that cost in excess of $200,000 +.
Once you have set your budget – divided what will be spent where – try to stick to it. If there is a spill over in one area – try to shave it from another area. Do not be afraid to ask for several quotes.

Traditionally the bride’s family was expected to shoulder the majority of the expenses associated with a wedding. Generally in modern weddings, the groom’s parents and the young couple themselves tend to share in the cost of the occasion. In the case of second marriages or if the couple have lived together for some time, it is quite acceptable for them to shoulder the bulk, if not all of the expenses.

It is also important to be mindful of the financial situation of the family’s, if one side is more affluent and is happy to take on a larger financial load, this is quite acceptable. The secret here is open communication.

Following are some guidelines on who pays for what in a traditional wedding

TRADITIONAL

The Bride

The groom’s wedding ring
A gift for the groom and her attendants

The Groom

The bride’s wedding ring
A gift for the bride and groomsmen
All flowers for the ceremony including bridal bouquet, bridesmaid’s bouquet, and corsages for mothers & buttonholes for all male attendants.
Church fees or donations
Cars & transport for wedding party
The honeymoon

The Bride’s family

The bride’s gown
The reception
Photographer & video & newspaper announcements
Wedding cake
All stationery including invitations, place cards etc but excluding thank you cards
Flowers at the reception
A wedding gift for bride and groom

The Grooms family

A wedding gift for the bride and groom
They may choose to make a contribution towards the celebrations

The Wedding Party/attendants

Brides maids/groomsmen would pay for their own attire
Hen’s night hosted by maid of honour
Bucks night hosted by best man

MODERN

The bride and groom

The bulk of the ancillary expenses have been taken by the bride and groom or as agreed by the families.

The Brides family

The Reception
Flowers for reception
Any further expenses as agreed

The Groom’s family

A wedding gift for the bride and groom
Beverages for the reception
Any further expenses as agreed

The Wedding Party/attendants

Brides maids/grooms would pay for their own attire
Hen’s night hosted by maid of honour or bridesmaids
Bucks night hosted by best man or groomsmen

INVITATIONS

All stationery pertaining to the wedding should be matching and of high quality bond. The stationery includes invitations, rsvp cards, name places, thank you cards, and order of service programmes.

The invitations should be sent no later than 6 weeks before the wedding date. The rsvp date should be 2 weeks before the wedding. To encourage a prompt reply, consider enclosing a stamped/self addressed rsvp card.

The invitations should be addressed using the full name of your guest eg Mr & Mrs George Smith. It is not appropriate to use nicknames or address the invitation to Uncle George for example.

If their children are invited they should be listed by their first name on the invitation, do not merely add “and family”. If children are not invited this is best discussed personally with your guests and not include it in the body of the invitation.
The wording of the invitations varies considerably, depending on the individual situation.

Traditionally the bride’s family paid for the bulk of the wedding and therefore the invitations would be from them. For example:

Brides Parents
Request the pleasure of the company of
Guest’s name
At the marriage of their daughter
Bride’s name
With
Grooms name
At name of venue
Address of venue
On (date)
At (time)
And afterwards at
Name of Venue
Address of venue
At (time)
Dress code
RSVP
We would be honoured if you could share the celebration with us.

Alternatively if the groom’s parents are also paying for part of the wedding it is appropriate to include them on the invitation. In this case it would read:

Brides Parents
Along with
Grooms Parents
Request the pleasure of the company of
Guest’s name
At the marriage of their children Brides Name with Grooms name

If on the other hand the bride and groom are hosting their own wedding they could choose to word the invitation thus:

Brides name and grooms name
Request the pleasure of the company
Guest’s name
In the celebration of their marriage

GIFTS & CASH

If you have organized a “gift registry” it is quite acceptable to enclose a card advising your guest of this fact. Although most guests may avail themselves of the registry, be aware that it is not mandatory for them to do so.

With more couples either living away from home or with each other prior to marriage – more couples are requesting contributions to a Wishing Well. Although this practice is becoming more common, it can still cause offence in some circles. A separate card enclosed with the invitation, often with a small poem is the usual method of informing your guests. Under no circumstances should the request be written within the invitation.

THE PROCESSION

The brides guests are seated on the left side of church facing the alter and the grooms guests are seated on the right. The parents and siblings of the respective sides are seated in the front pews.

The head usher should escort the mother of the groom to her seat with the father of the groom following behind. The mother of the bride should then be escorted to the left front pew.

The groom, best man and groomsmen stand to the right of the alter awaiting the entrance of the bride and her entourage.
The order of entrance of the bridal party is bridesmaids followed by the maid of honour. The flower girl follows the maid of honour. Traditionally there is a change of music to herald the entrance of the bride and her father.

The bride enters on her father’s right arm and leaves with her groom on his right arm.

MENS DRESS ETIQUIETTE

The style of dress for the groom is to a large degree dictated by the bride’s gown and the venue. If for example the bride has chosen a simple A line for a ceremony to be conducted on the beach – the men’s outfits will reflect this.

Here are a few general tips:

Traditionally the groom and his groomsmen wear the same style of suit and their point of difference is dictated by the choice of accessories. If the bride has chosen ivory for her gown, it is suggested that all the men were ivory shirts as apposed to white shirts. It is a very subtle difference, but if white is chosen in this instance, the bride’s gown in the photos could appear off colour.
The groom would normally match his bride in his choice of vest and neckwear. For example if the bride is wearing a white gown, the groom would wear a white vest and neckwear. The groomsmen in turn will match the bridesmaids, normally with a black vest and neckwear in keeping with the colour of the bridesmaids. We have a huge selection of fat boys and cravats for hire or for a small fee your neckwear can be manufactured to your requirements.
Vests are a great idea – particularly in the Australian climate. They are lightweight and comfortable to wear and allow the men in the wedding party to look smart even with their jacket off. The bottom button of the vest is left undone.
Formal wear, whether white or black tie should not be worn before 6pm or before sundown.

White Tie – black tails, white wing collared shirt, white vest, white bow tie
Black Tie – dinner jacket, white wing collared shirt, black bow tie
Lounge Suit – Dark suit worn with tie